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Tony Robbins explains how all humans share the same 6 humans needs, and how to change your mindset to become truly successful, fulfilled and happy.
Watch this interview with Tony Robbins and Tom Biyelou.
Here’s the transcript of the Tony Robbins Interview:
In people’s lives… there’s only maybe half dozen, 7-8 categories that really matter. Most people, they major in minor things. They focus on stuff that doesn’t matter. They know more about this celebrity going in and out of rehab than they do about their own personal development. But I look at it and say if you look at your body, where you are starting without that everything else is out the door.
You don’t wanna be the richest man in the graveyard. That’s not going to do it. If there is energy, if there is vitality, if there is strength it’s gonna show up in your relationship, it’s gonna show up in your business, it’s gonna show up in your life. That’s something you got to master. You can’t dabble. It’s too important. Emotions are everything.
I mean you got a ton of money, everybody loves you and your primary emotions are pissed off and frustrated, then your life is pissed off and frustrated. Doesn’t matter if you got a billion dollars, or a million people loving you, your life is not great.
Relationships. Intimate relationships especially. It’s where the most juice in life comes from, It’s where the most pain comes for most people, It’s worth mastering instead of dabbling. Really looking at what you’re gonna do with your time.
And mastering your time, instead of… having a checklist and crossing all off you can mistake movement for achievement. I want to squeeze that time what matters, that creates value for me and for everyone I care about and love.
What about your career or your business and the mastery of that, instead of dabbling… most businesses are dabblers. That’s why they don’t make it. 96% you know… in a 10 year period of time, 4% make it. That doesn’t even mean they’re profitable. And that does not mean they’re enjoying themselves. Or they’re getting anybody else to do good.
Really mastering money so that it’s not a question in your life.
You can do and be and give and share as much as you want and you’re not stressed about it.
I don’t tell people what to believe spiritually but I believe that ultimately, whatever you believe you gotta live it and it should lead to growing and giving.
If you’re growing, you feel alive, if you’re giving, you feel 10 times more alive..
If someone can celebrate and give in that spiritual state… So you need those years I look at mastery business for sure, but it’s the areas of life that matter most, and most of where we spend our time doesn’t make people feel fulfilled that’s why the average person is not fit and healthy, the average person is not in a relationship where they have tremendous passion…
I’m not a dummy, I’m not a positive thinker, I know the truth.
The average person is not successful in business. The average person is not earning what they want to earn.
But you know what, very few people have those things, but a few do. A few are happy, fulfilled, spiritually alive, financially strong, their business is growing, they have passionate love affairs and I’m obsessed with finding the few who do and finding out what they do different and teaching it to everybody. Learning it for myself and teaching everybody else.
Everyone’s going to measure themselves differently, because everyone values things differently. Some people value success or significance, some people value love more, some people value just basic levels of certainty, so when I look at the specific metrics I really look at metrics of what are the things that need to be measured to know if your life is gonna work or not so I look at it as… our whole lives are guided moment to moment by the state we’re in.
Learning how to change your state, not bullshit, not fake, but to go from pissed off, frustrated, freaked out to back in your center, or creative, or determined, or something that’s gonna move you forward that’s going to create a better quality of life for you and others. That’s a critical skillset.
So moment to moment our life is controlled by our states. If you’re in an angry state you’re going to respond differently than if you’re feeling playful. What controls those states longterm is your model of the world. Your world view. And I look at that as having as a metric, 3 things that I look at:
I look to see first what are the targets you’re after. The target is… everyone has different goals and dreams and desires… but as I travelled around the world in 100 countries I stared going… Holy shit! I’m seeing the same problems. Whats underneath it… I began to see that there are these same six human needs that we all have The same needs.
We all have the need for certainty, that we can avoid pain and we can have some pleasure, some comfort, we all need uncertainty. We need variety, or we feel dead inside. If you’re totally certain, you’re bored. If you have total variety you freak out. And it’s not a balance. It’s learning which of these you need more as a person? Everyone has a different set of values in that area.
The need for significance, to feel unique, special, important… the need to feel love, the need to grow, and the need to contribute.
Some people value certainty at the top of their list. That’s the center of their target. I don’t want to do anything unless I know it’s going to work. I don’t want to do anything unless it’s the same, if you change anything they freak out. If certainty is the n0.1 thing on your list everyone has the same needs, but if it’s no.1 I know how your life is going to be.
I can predict the direction of your life and therefore the destination to some extent.
If you’re driven by love first, you want certainty too, but love is higher, you’re gonna behave very differently than if you’re driven by significance – I have to be the one.
So I looked to see which of those needs are the top 2 on your list because they control your life. The 2 that most people have 90% of the planet
of all these needs, which one do you really focus on most day to day?
Everybody wants love. What do you focus on? Most people focus on being significant – we live in a Facebook world, where people fake their life, put new filters, make it look different than it really is, tell stories that are totally full of it to make themselves look good… because we life in this kind of false world where significance is more important than love.
And it separates us.
And the other one that we see most often is certainty. People want to be certain before they can do something.
You couldn’t have started a business like you have if you were absolutely certain before you started, you could never build a business with that. You could never build a great relationship because if it’s based on certainty then everybody gotta stay the same and never change, which means you’re never going to grow, which means you’re going to be miserable.
So my metrics are, I want to find out what’s driving you. And I want to see, is it healthy or unhealthy… you can have two people be driven by significance though, and do it with a different set of rules. That’s the second piece I measure.
The beliefs and rules and how to fulfill that target.
So Osama Bin Laden, certainly driven, love driven, contribution driven, significance driven, not hard to figure out on a 0 to 10 he was a 10 for significance. He was like the 22nd child, most people don’t know that. Totally insignificant, not skilled, took his dad’s money, went over to Afghanistan, and suddenly because he had money he became significant. And he started… he wasn’t even part of that movement at that stage. It shaped him. So what does he do? He’s going to figure out his model of the world is I’m significant if I destroy you. Right?
On that same day of 9/11 there were men and women on the fire and police department that were also all driven by significance and contribution and they went into that building knowing they’re likely going to die to save a stranger. Both people driven to have a significant life, one is by taking life, one is by giving their own life.
So once you understand the metrics, using your language, of whats driving you and then the rules or beliefs of what does it take for you to feel loved, is different for everybody. What does it take for you to feel certain?
Some people need 1 million dollars some people just need to trust God. I wanna be more clear about something:
An extraordinary life is life on your terms.
And there’s two parts: Part one to have an extraordinary life is mastering the skill of the science of achievement. How do I take what I envision and make it real? And how will I do that quicker, faster, better, easier.
The ability to manifest what you come up with and make it real like you’ve done with your company, that’s a skillset.
I’ve spent an unbelievable amount of time helping people do it faster, quicker, better, showing them the shortcuts, teaching the strategies, modelling what works, you can save yourself a decade.
But, I would submit to you that having done this for 38 years with you know, 50 million people at this stage I can tell you that the science of achievement… There are a lot of people that are damn good and they still don’t have an extraordinary life.
They have an extraordinary life, YOU see it as extraordinary, but I get the phone call from the multi-billionaire who tells me wants to do this thing on his business but what you really find out is he’s as miserable as hell and he’s hoping somehow, I’m going to rub off on him on that side too, and so I give him what he asked for:
The change in his business, but I also give him what he needs:
Which is the change INSIDE OF HIM.
So the second skill is the ART OF FULFILLMENT.
If you want an extraordinary life you can’t just achieve you gotta be fulfilled. As simplistic as that sounds but is an art, it’s not a science.
It’s a science to making money, come on. Any age, any colour, any background, any gender, If you do these things you’ll have an abundance of money. You do these things you’re gonna have too much money, the end of the money… Financial stress, right?
Everyone’s biochemically different but you and I both know. There’s fundamental rules, laws, there’s a science of the body. You violate that science, you’re gonna have disease, you’re gonna have low energy. If you align with that, you’re gonna have an abundance of energy. It’s gonna effect everything in your life. It’s a science.
Fulfillment’s not like that. Fulfillment is as different as we are human beings. You wanna know God or the Universe likes, look at the jungle, look at at the forest. It’s diverse, right? So most people think “Well I want to get that.” Because they’re modelling somebody else and that might work on how to achieve something it will never work for what will fulfill you how many people you know like you got what you thought you wanted and you weren’t fulfilled and that… I always tell people:
SUCCESS WITHOUT FULFILLMENT IS THE ULTIMATE FAILURE
The ultimate failure!
Because if you go at something and you fail and you’re an achiever. You don’t fail, you’re like “I learned something, I’ll just try something else. I’m going to still get there.” But when you succeed and you’re not happy… you’re technically screwed.
So, a perfect example, I mentioned in the seminar you were there, because it hit me about a year and a month ago we lost what I consider a national treasure – Robin Williams.
I asked people, “How many of you love Robin Williams?” Everyone raised their hand, all around the world.
He made people laugh, people were touched by him. So how good was he at the science of achievement? I mean, he wanted to be a great comedian and make the whole world laugh – he did, he wanted to have his own tv show – he did, he wanted a number one show – he did, he wanted to make movies – he did, he wanted to have an academy award for not being funny, dramatic and he did, he wanted a beautiful family.
He achieved everything, and he hung himself.
And I know recently someone’s saying, you know, he had dementia, he had drug abuse, he had alcohol abuse through most of his life because he made everybody happy but whom? Himself.
That’s the ultimate failure.
So if I have no other message to offer your viewers then let me give it to them right now and I’ll tell you what I believe.
I believe our life’s are controlled by one force: Decisions.
I certainly believe in a force greater than myself call it God if you will, Grace, whatever you want to call it, the Universe.
But I also believe, it gives us choices and the decisions we make, control us much more than the conditions we meet. It’s not the conditions, it’s your decisions. Decisions what to believe, decision what to do, decisions what to GIVE. I said to people think about you know, look back 10 years ago, 5 years ago, 15 years ago and think of a decision you made, that if you would have made a different decision you would have a totally different life today, better or worse I don’t know but totally different.
The most important decision you could make above any on the face of the Earth is deciding that no matter what happens in your life. No matter what happens you’re going to live in a beautiful state.
The decision to say I am not going to suffer, that if suffering arises – pain is one thing suffering is another.
Suffering is when you’re like… I’ll give you an example:
A friend of mine is a very famous Indian industrialist, very famous, billionaire guy and he just recently took a sport in India that’s been around for 2000 years that almost every village child plays and he turned it into a professional sport.
No one had ever made it a professional sport. 2 years ago. He invested… I don’t know… I’m making the number up. 20 million dollars. In 2 years the sport is so successful in India, that 500 million people watch the finals, 2 months ago. 500 million people, right? That’s half a billion… and people are saying this is going to be as big as.. for them cricket is the ultimate thing, right? Big as cricket.
So, his team valuation, I’m making the number up I think its gone up to like half a billion dollars in 2 years from $25 million and his team is number two in the whole world. He’s got these great players. So I’m with him and he gets a phone call and he was just telling me about the great success how proud he is, people are so thrilled, that it’s just become this movement in India that he created, he’s so proud of it… and the phone-call is from his management team telling him that one of his competitors has just offered 4 times as much money as he was offering to his top 3 athletes, who were the core of his whole team.
And of course they all took it. He was so angry, he was like: I can’t even believe this. These guys were working in shops, I brought them here I made them stars on national TV, and they have no loyalty… And he’s suffering, and the way you suffer is you focus on yourself.
Suffering comes when we obsess about ourselves, what we’re getting or not getting, what we should have done, what others should have done for us, it’s the me me me me me game.
You, my dear friend, and I say this with no blowing smoke, your primary quality is a giver which is why you’re prospering, you’re not the me me me, you’re like how do I give more, do more, share more, care more, how do we do a better job for our clients, how do we do a better job for our internal customers who work with us, our partners…
Your entire life is like this.
That’s why you’re prospering and you’re not feeling suffering. But when you do suffer and I promise you do, correct me if I’m wrong, it will be because you worry about something in the future…
How is this going to happen? Will this come together? Suffering could be worry, could be anger, could be frustration, it’s anything that takes you out of the beautiful state and here’s what don’t people get:
YOU CAN END SUFFERING.
Stop focusing on yourself and focus on something you want to serve greater than yourself.
Your children, your wife, your mission, your life. You can get out of it in an instant, because the nature of the human mind is to constantly compare things.
Your brain is a 2 million year old device, it’s not designed to make you happy. It’s designed to make you survive and that’s why it’s always looking for what’s wrong. It could be what’s wrong with a sabre tooth tiger so I can protect myself. NOW people are worried about what people think of them, or do they have enough money, when two thirds of the planet lives off $2 a day and you’re making $38,000.. you’re rich!
The poorest of the poor in our country are considered rich. I’m not saying that it should stay that way, but you can only build on success. So my goal is to have you consider something..
Life is short.
We don’t know how short it’s going to be, but if you only have a week to live. I bet you wouldn’t allow yourself to suffer over little crap that makes you crazy normally. I think you would probably spend time with those you love. You would do what you love. You would take in the sunset. You’d smell the air. You’d take in everything in these final moments that you possibly could.
So my thing is WHY WAIT?
Why not just decide that if I start to suffer. I know the solution because suffering is me obsessing about me.
You might say “It’s not me I’m worried about my kids, because they’re not doing well. No, you’re worried that you hadn’t done enough for your kids. It’s about you still you know, you’re worried about what was done or what you should have done or shouldn’t have done.
You end that in an instant by becoming aware of it and saying I’ve made the most important decision of all I am going to live in a beautiful state.
Here’s what’s going to happen: Anybody watching, you may lose a family member. You probably will, somebody may get cancer. Your business may… the government might change the rules, they might change things radically and you can’t even do anything about it. You might go bankrupt, you might get divorced. I’m not saying anybody will, but no one knows what’s going to really happen in your life.
Life’s full of uncertainty, but here’s what you can know, you can decide no matter what happens, you’re going to have a great time.
If somebody like Viktor Frankl, can be locked up in Auschwitz and come out of that and experience finding joy in the middle of Auschwitz, then human beings have a capacity they’ve undersold themselves on.
We think the outside world determines how we feel If people have to behave a certain way, if your husband, your wife, your kids or your co-workers or whoever, your boss has to behave a certain way for you to be happy and if they don’t, you’re unhappy.
Then you’re always going to be unhappy because the more people are around you, the more they’re going to change because they’re human. If you have to be a certain way to be happy. You’re gonna violate it too so …
My invitation is as great as it is to achieve, more important to enjoy. If you can enjoy every moment in that state, when you’re feeling loving and playful and passionate and curious, in awe. You treat other people a hundred times better than when you’re feeling frustrated, pissed off, overwhelmed, worried, stressed or feeling sorry for yourself, you’re going to be a better parent, you’re going to be a better lover, you’re going to be a better business person, you’re going to be better at life.
So my soliloquy is DECIDE.
Decide today and actually say, “What if I cut it off, what if I said. I’m not willing to settle and I’m just going to live in a beautiful state.”
Doesn’t mean you won’t feel bad, doesn’t mean you won’t stay there, you will instantly change, that’s doable.
I’m on a mission to help people end suffering. But what the hell is success it’s hitting an expectation. I always tell people “Man, trade your expectations for appreciation.” It’s a whole new world instantly. If you can’t appreciate this moment, if you can’t find ecstasy in this moment, in a conversation with a friend, or looking in your wife’s eyes, being with your children, going on a run. If you can’t find ecstasy now..
I’m here to tell you: more money, more people, more love, more business, more anything is not gonna give you more… If you can’t do it here and now, you’re not going to do it then when you’ve got more.
So why not do it now? And have a rich life right now. I tell people money is one thing, having financial abundance they are skills, that’s a science. With wealth it’s a decision, it’s like you can be wealthy right now.
I live in Fiji a good portion of the time there’s these villagers there, they’re the richest people in the world they’re happy, they laugh, they love, they don’t give a damn about economics, other people say they’re poor.
When I first went there I was trying to do things for them they were like what are you talking about? They’re so happy.
Wealthy people come from the US and they travel around and try to figure out what to do and they’re going to spend 9 years to do this and this and this and then they can finally sit down and be happy, and the Fijian guy goes.. “Why don’t I sit on the beach right now and experience it, why spend the 9 years?
Why not have it now?
That’s my invitation.